She spent years as the family "doormat" until she took one small step forward. One year after sharing her story of surviving a narcissistic sister, Christa is back, and her transformation will leave you speechless.
Watch the full conversation below.
Warrior Talk! Podcast: My Narcissistic Sister Ruined My Life — Then This Happened | Part 2
Krista overcame the effects of her narcissistic sister by building confidence, setting boundaries, and putting her own needs first, leading to profound mental and physical health improvements. Walking, daily affirmations, and support from the Warrior community helped her transform her mindset and stop feeling stuck. Her story shows small steps can create big change, and that support and self-care are key to healing.
Read the episode’s full conversation below.
You are not going to believe the woman you're about to meet. Krista joined us a year ago on our podcast and told us the story about the year she suffered from her narcissistic sister.
Mhm.
Well, a year later her transformation is amazing and that's exactly why we wanted to bring her back.
You know what I think is the most powerful thing about this transformation is we didn't just hear about it, we actually got to experience it and see it ourselves.
Yeah, and it was amazing. I had not physically seen Krista since our last podcast. So, I was really excited to talk to her again and the first thing I noticed was the way she held herself, the twinkle in her eye, her laughter, her confidence was unbelievable. It's really remarkable what she said about how afraid she was to take that first step forward, but she said, "You know what? I don't want to stay where I'm at right now. So, I have to take one step forward. What can that hurt?" And she did and you will not believe that transformation by just taking that one step and then continue and move forward, but some people don't know where to begin. They don't know how to take that first step.
Right, right, right. So, first of all, if you missed that podcast from last year, it is our most viewed podcast of all time. So, please check that out so you can see the transformation yourself. We're going to put the link in the description below. But also, that's exactly why we created the free 7-day Warrior Wellness Reset because you will know what those steps are. See, that's the hardest thing about recovery for example, they just don't know what
They don't know how to take that first step.
Take that first step, where to begin. So, we created that first 7 days for you and it's absolutely free. So, we're going to put that link below. But right now, we want you to see what's possible. Here's Krista.
Okay, so Krista, we are thrilled to have you with us again. When we first met you, it was well over a year ago, well before we had you on our podcast a year ago, which obviously has thousands and thousands of views, but you started learning things and piecing things together before you and I even met about the years you spent with something not being right, it being unhealthy and toxic regarding your sister. So, if you had to tell the audience about that Krista over a year ago with this Krista, how would you best describe the difference between the two of you?
Krista that was almost like a doormat. You know, real low self-esteem, real low picture of herself. And I've actually had someone describe me, I think the best one I've heard is like the prodigal son coming home. Just full of shame, full of not worthy, not, you know, I desperately want safety and people to hear me, but I don't feel that I'm worth it type of
Wow.
And that's a bad place to feel, especially within your family unit. And so, when you were on our podcast, you basically had recognized things and you were ready to kind of, you know, take action and follow, you know, obviously Victim to Warrior's platforms and our communities and things like that about rebuilding your life. So, today, do you trust your judgment? Are you at peace with yourself? Tell us how you feel today.
I do. I trust my judgment more and more. The more decisions I make, the better I feel. Now, I think when I started making decisions, I was like, "Well, what is she going to say? If what if she What is she going to say when she finds out I did this or I did And surprisingly, one of the things I did was getting rid of old furniture. I had a chance to redo the house, do the redo the flooring, got rid of some of the old furniture that no one wanted. And I remember my sister in on me on it. And I said, "Well, first of all, I already asked you and you said no. So, there you go." You know.
would never have said that before. You would have never In In fact, you would have just crumbled under that type of her intimidation and and bullying. Oh my god, that's awesome. That is awesome.
Yeah. And I think some of the surprising like when I have to interact cuz I have not totally cut off relationship with her because of it. Yeah. But when I do, it is I have more joy playing doing the gray rock with her and frustrating her than
That is a That is awesome.
I used to be I was scared to talk to her. Now, I'm just like, "Whatever."
I That is That amazes me because I remember you and I going through some sessions and you were like, "I just want to avoid her. I don't want to upset her. She's She can really cause problems." And getting over that fear is huge because so many people that are in these relationships, they try to avoid, comply, keep the peace. How did you start setting boundaries and actually keep the boundaries without the guilt and being pressured to give in?
Well, I first had to realize I was in a safe place. Safety is just something everybody wants and everybody needs. And what When you feel safe, you feel stronger, you feel more courageous and able to do things that you wouldn't normally do. And so yeah, I I feel at peace. There's times I feel much so much at peace like there's no nothing to come touch me type of feeling, but others I'd say it's more calm. Not anxious. It was a lot of learning and retraining my brain to listen to me, listen to my body. I mean, I spent years ignoring it. It was talking, but I was ignoring. Or pretty much you were with a toxic relationship kind of told to stuff it and
I know another thing that you that you've mentioned cuz you've been really really active on our our app, our warrior app. You're you're like a freaking hero on that app. Um so you've been very encouraging to the other members on it, but I know there's been several times where you said I have to stop fixing problems that are not my problems. How did you come to that place where you're like, "No, I'm not I'm not taking that." Because they'll dump on you, you know?
Yeah. Yeah, part of it is and I'm sure a lot of people feel this. Most of us grew up doing it out of any necessity or anything, but you have a true desire to help and that's unfortunately what the narcissist looks for.
Yes.
But I had had to learn that, "Hey, wait a minute. It's as I was healing, I was realizing I don't have to fix every problem and I was starting to see that I was picking up problems that weren't mine. That just I didn't need to. I was picking them up off the floor because they hit the floor and I'm like, "Wait a minute. The I don't
I didn't put that on the floor.
Yeah, it was almost like, "Oh my god, you know that unconscious feeling of, "Oh my god it dropped on the floor it made noise now she's going to get upset type of mentality of and I caught myself like wait a minute she doesn't know anything about this you know so I would have watched it kind of grow into where you do it for everybody because of the one person that has hurt you you know
that's true
because was it I when I this year when I talked to her on her birthday she wouldn't even pick up the phone so it was all text
wow
and she says you know we're out what was it out in the wilderness in bear country and I said okay don't let the bears get you
so
and I just kind of because like I said I I've lost any emotional connection with her
right well and you would have before that would have been very upsetting to you because you would have you know why isn't she picking up what have I done what is she mad about but you didn't even think twice about that you're like I know I didn't do anything to harm her I've been polite enough to call her on her birthday if she doesn't choose to answer that's on her you still were the warm Krista that you always were she just doesn't like that because she you're strong and she wants someone that she can manipulate and push around like she does everyone in her her way or but I wanted to tell you you look great you've lost weight
I am
you're a you're a walker you know you are a walker so tell us about your your physical journey cuz that's a big one you know when you lose your confidence and and then you become self isolated but you just started pushing yourself little by little and you just made an amazing turn about with your with your physical health so tell us tell everyone about what that looks like
walking for me I think was a way to escape
it was it's something that you know, I found that I enjoyed doing even even though I live by myself, I'll still go out for a walk because that's how I can process things sometimes.
Yes, that's that's great. That's great.
But I have found that I'm like, okay, when I I felt better. First it was just a challenge through the 8-week thing to go, okay, let's start work let's start physically getting better. I still in a mindset I have to take care of my two nieces or my nephew and niece. So I was like, I need to do things for me to get right.
Yes, absolutely.
And now it's become like I'm walking 6 days a week.
Wow. Um sometimes people don't realize the power of walking. And I always tell people just start small. You started small and then all of a sudden you start to adding on top of it and more and more and more miles and more days and longer. Um and it's a way to just kind of purify your soul, your mind, your body. Getting out into nature just lets you when you're in this anxious anxiety situation, sometimes you forget what birds sound like and leaves rustling and just, you know, what and I I say this what sunshine smells like. Because there's there's scents out there that just you're you pick things up and you're like, this reminds me of sunshine. It could be the smell of a daisy or roses or whatever. But people honeysuckles. People don't realize how powerful walking is, but you're a prime example of doing just forcing yourself out there and then just doing a little bit more, a little bit more, a little bit more and now and become unstoppable. And and your health obviously is it's pretty amazing. But we John and I love to walk. I mean, we're big walkers, too.
Yeah, I mean, and doing what I enjoy just helps. And I mean, there's times I've I've got alternate when it's raining, but I'm like, really, do I have to?
Please.
You know, can can we No, no, you know, how No, I'm only going to get wet.
Taking your physical health and and getting in control of that, where like you said, you feel better, you you're mobile, you get around, you know, there's really no stopping you. The fact that you were always there for your sister's children, your niece and I know that they are they mean so much to you, and you have protected them, you've encouraged them to talk about what they're going through. I mean, and they they each had situations that they were going through, and they were coming to you to talk to you about them. So, how are they
My nephew has finished not only his bachelor, but his master's degree, and is now a full-blown teacher.
Oh my gosh, that's amazing.
My niece has reached out to me and wants to go back to school, and and I was a safe person. They which I saw giving them courage to do things, to stand up to their mom, or to say certain things, you know, word, and
And to recognize the feelings that you have when you're in that are real. They're not made up, they're not because you're too sensitive, they're not when you're kids of a narcissistic parent, your feelings are ignored. You know, you just basically you need need to suck it up and and tough it out, or you're you're whining, or you're, you know, you think you're entitled. It just kind of flips around on you, and so then the the, you know, the child just is like, well, I don't want to upset my parent, so I'm going to do whatever I need to do, and it alters their personality and their behavior. Most kids don't have that sounding board like they had with you. So, they're very lucky, very lucky to have you.
Definitely. I've seen a lot of growth. I mean, they're both in different places, but I'm starting to really see that strength and that courage in them. And I'm assuming that part of watching me say, "Hey, I'm doing this or I'm doing that." And you know, having a life and doing things with friends or in that has encouraged them, too.
So, then seeing you after all those years basically saying, "No, I'm I've now figured this out. I'm now recognizing what this is. And there are things I can do to change the way I react and how I let this person um into my life or not into my life." And that is boundary setting. And it And it's hard to set boundaries. How did you start setting boundaries without second-guessing yourself and without feeling guilty about boundaries that you knew were were protecting yourself?
I had to look at Boundary seemed to be like a negative word.
Yeah.
And
Especially from a narcissist.
Yeah. I had to look at it as like a shield.
Good. Yes. That's good.
I was saw an Xfinity commercial where they were talking about their shield around your house type of protection. And I thought, "That's boundaries. Protecting It's that bubble that's around you. That it it can be Okay, well, when I talk to so-and-so, I have to use the gray rock method or
That's amazing because when you've been in these abusive relationships, your first instinct is to respond, save, peace, you know, figure it out, straighten it out, you know, get them to where they're not upset. So, you're you're always in this anxious type feeling where you if you don't do something immediately, it's going to be viewed as negative. But you've gotten to a place of peace where you're I don't have to immediately respond. I don't have to be pushed to respond. I can think it through and then deliver a response that is meaningful, that you stand behind. It's it's a been amazing watching you you on this journey. You've been very active on the Warrior app, but one of the things that you told me you've really, you know, it really speaks to you are the daily affirmations.
Yes.
So when you hear the daily affirmations, what does that do How does that impact your day when when that's something that you hear that can start how maybe you react or don't react or what you do or so tell tell people about the daily affirmations cuz they come once a day.
Yeah, the daily affirmations are another way to change how you speak to yourself. And because we've been you've had this constant person or people that have constantly said, "Oh, you're worthless. You're this. You're that." And it's another way to learn how to speak to yourself. And rewrite tapes cuz literally we're rewriting our own lives.
Yes, you are. Yes, and rewiring your brain. Which it and it's and it's hard to do that, but that that's a great observation because affirmations are that. You're affirming how you are going to work with the situation or think about the situation.
Like sometimes I'll hear one and go, "Oh, yep, that spoke to me today." Yeah, I need that today.
Oh, yeah. It it they're very spiritually inspirational because sometimes people lose hope. They lose hope and they think uh nothing's going to help. Nothing's going to matter. I don't matter. You and I both felt those things. And it takes a whole shift in mindset to realize I make all the difference. I do matter. Even if it's just to myself, I matter. And so getting those negative words out of your head and replacing them with affirmations about mattering and about, you know, obviously, you know, we believe in God. Someone could have a higher power, you know, I What I tell people is it's it's a spiritual thing. It's a purpose thing. It's it's something that is above you that can carry you through something. You just have to turn it over. And sometimes people just clench so hard on what's going on and feeling like they have no say in the matter, that nothing they do will change things. It's the way you think about it. So it I just I'm just I can't believe how you're so different, you know, from from a year ago. And that podcast, like I said, has thousands and thousands of views on it. And then people could hear your pain, but they also could hear your courage. So for them to think about it and go, "You know what? I I'm I'm where Crystal was a year ago. I don't know if I have it in me to do that." What would you say to that person right now?
It's a hard step. Learn how to love yourself. Learn to be patient with yourself. You're going to make mistakes along the way. You're going to go fall into old patterns. It it it takes time, you know. If you have someone who is dependent on you, like kids or and and that, maybe using them as a push to keep going forward because they depend on you. And that's what was pushing me was Yeah, my niece and nephew were adults at the at the time when But they're still looking and watching. And when they're watching what I'm doing and then going, "Okay, well, she's making it. Now, I can, too." Or I I want to cheer them on or, you know, but just treat yourself like you would a kid, you know. Realize you're growing, you're changing, and be patient. The boundaries are a safe place for you.
Yeah. Well, and and and learning to trust your judgment. And I I like that, you know, uh treating yourself like you're a kid, you're learning, you're growing, you're adapting. All of those things we do as kids. That That was a great way to put it because sometimes we think, "Well, I'm I'm this age. I'm never going to be able to" But, that's not true. It's like that's the negative voice. That's what the negative voice is telling you. So, if you are patient with yourself, if you do forgive yourself, if you do realize that you're going to have setbacks, and go, "You know what? I scraped my knee. I'm going to get up. I'm getting back on that bike." Otherwise, you stay stuck. And so, just, you know, watching you go from where you were cuz we've known you now 3 years to where you are now has just been an amazing, inspirational story. And it lets people know, no matter where you are in life or how long you went through something, it's taking that first step. And that's kind of the most scary step. It's the the hardest step, but it's just one. It's just one step. Like I said, you're you're an inspiration inside the Warrior app. So, you know, if anyone hasn't, you know, joined, join. You'll see Krista in there. She is You inspire a lot of people because people coming in there are sometimes so broken, and they don't know what to do. So, letting them, you know, just giving them that encouraging push sometimes is all it takes. As you well know. I mean, you've been you've been part of it. So, you are truly what a victim to warrior actually looks like. And so, we just are thrilled to death with your progress, your where you are, and the fact that you inspire others to actually take that step and it's never too late. So, we really appreciate you being another guest.
Wow, what an amazing transformation. I just love it. This Krista is such a sweetheart, and I just love the transformation that she has made. So, with with that being said, what in this interview, what stood out to you the most about her transformation?
You know, it's her resilience. She made a decision after years of abuse to say, "I don't want to be here anymore. I don't want to be stuck anymore." She took our our 8-week life transformation, and she started with just a small step forward. And she said, "After that, I realized that first step didn't kill me." She And she says, "I'm not perfect. If I take a step back, I'm human. I'm going to forgive myself, and I'm going to continue to move forward." So, her resilience and her desire to want to take back control of her life, build a life that she could be proud of, that she was in control of, and that she was happy living became her front and center goal. And she just tackled it one step at a time. And a year ago, I mean, she she liked to walk, but she, you know, had isolated herself. Now, she walks 6 days a week. She walks miles and miles a day. In fact, she doesn't even use her car. She looks amazing. She's lost weight.
Didn't you say she lost 25 lb?
Yeah, or something like that. She looks amazing.
Amazing, yeah.
And her commitment to others out there that you can do this, no matter where you are, no matter how stuck you feel, no matter how terrified, intimidated, bullied you've been, there is a way to start taking control of your life. You just have to start rewiring the way you think about things in your head.
You know what I thought was most amazing to me is that she, you know, she's so involved in our mobile app.
Oh gosh, yeah.
She is in there every single day commenting. She's got friends within the private community. She loves the daily affirmations. She's been such a big part of that community. And I want to share that with you because it is a huge part of the healing process to have that daily interaction with other survivors, with other people so you can either
And it's private.
not on social media. So it's it's our warrior app and the first month is free. I'm going to tell you exactly how to get that in just a minute. If someone's out there struggling right now, what would you recommend for them to do today to change their lives?
Well, Krista obviously took a lot of the steps in Victim to Warrior, our resources and things like that, which, you know, we can put the website link in the show notes below. But what she said was, she said, "You have to make a commitment to yourself." The daily affirmation she says was huge because it set the tone for the day and it's a way to talk to yourself. She said because when you go through abuse, you only hear how they talk about you, to you. They they choose for you. They label you. You spend years of listening to another person's version of who you are and you have to start listening to your own version. So she said the daily affirmations were talking to herself where she would affirm what she was going to do. She was going to set a healthy boundary and not feel guilty about it. She was not going to take on problems that were not hers to fix. No is a full sentence. And so she said, "I got away from allowing myself to feel guilty for taking control of my life." Which was pretty amazing cuz she said, "I was terrified to take control." She was almost terrified of my sister. And she said, "But I finally realized, what is the worst thing that can happen if I just do what I want and say no, and don't let that negative voice talking to my head talk to myself, my own voice in my head." And she said, "You just start little by little."
I love what you say, "No is a full sentence."
Yeah.
No, period.
Yeah.
I I
have to explain why I'm saying no.
Right. No is always accompanied by no, but.
Yeah, yeah.
And then the guilt, and then that's when they start manipulating you. And and so I love that no is a full stop. And also that she uses a daily affirmation because the most difficult thing about recovery is the negative self-talk that we've been telling ourselves for years, or that we've heard from our abuser year after year. So by hearing that daily affirmation every single day, it changes her self-talk.
Yeah.
Wow, that is amazing.
Yeah, she said that was very life-changing for her. She said she spent a lifetime fixing things, taking on burdens, taking on problems because she didn't want someone else to be inconvenienced or hurt. And she said, "I finally realized that I don't have to fix other people's problems." When she's placed in that situation, rather than reacting, she pauses. She does not have that immediate response, whether she's mad, whether she's upset, whether she's hurt. She takes a step back. She said the daily affirmations actually really help because she thinks about what she said to herself that morning. And she's like, "Let me take a pause, and I will decide how I want to respond and react, or how I don't want to respond and react." And she said taking that pause gives your brain a chance to not be in panic mode, but to be in thinking mode.
I love that. So we want you to have that exact same resource that Krista has, and we're going to give it to you for free when you start your free 7-day Warrior Wellness Reset today. You're going to have the opportunity to join the mobile app for the first month for free. So, please check out those description below and start your 7-day free wellness reset today.
It actually tells you exactly how to take that first step. And the steps are easy and doable. They're not turn
a couple minutes every single day.
Yeah, it just gets your brain thinking about things differently. And instead of staying stuck, you are moving forward just a little by little.
those action steps.
Yeah, and she said
the daily action steps.
she said then it becomes a habit to move forward. And then your brain reminds you, "Hey, you need to do this." And she said things that I never ever took advantage of because I was so self-isolated. She said it it has such meaning to her now. And so, she just looks at life in a completely new lens, which is amazing. So,
you're in a situation right now where you are struggling with a narcissistic family member, whether it's a sibling, in-law, parent, child, whatever it is, this book was written for you.
Yes.
Blood does not mean bond. This is a fantastic book that Melissa wrote. Want to tell us a little bit about this?
Yes. It's hard enough to deal with a partner, a spouse, but when you are dealing with somebody in your family, where there's others involved, like in Krista's story, you heard her talk about her niece and nephew and how she was their rock, and she did not want to lose that bond she had with them, but the sister was their mother. So, it put it in a very weird situation, but this book actually explains those dynamics and gives you ways to deal with them because you may be faced with the point where you have to block that person, but you don't want to block the people that they're associated with. That becomes a challenge. This book tells you how to get through
it. And this book has great strategies in there for you to follow step by step so that you can get through these situations without creating more turmoil in your life.
Right. So you can have peace.
So if you're still trying to figure out what's that first step, a couple things real quick. Watch that first podcast with Krista because you will be blown away when you see this transformation. And if Krista can do it, it means you can do it. We want to make sure you start your free 7-day Warrior Wellness Reset today so you can get those first steps on. Don't wait till tomorrow. Start today.
excuses stop.
But you know what the first thing is, I love this. Day one is the Warrior Wellness check-in. It's just really quick. You receive a survey that you go through and self-evaluate where you are today. What foundation pillar are you struggling with the most? Is it emotional? Is it physical? Is it financial? Or is it spiritual? And then day two is your next step and then day three is your next step and you receive an email every single day and you just tackle it one day at a time. It's just a couple minutes every single day and then like I said, you get access to the Warrior app free for the first month alongside your 7-day Warrior Wellness Reset. He's like, "How do you fail when you have all those great tools at your disposal?"
And they're free.
Think about where you'll be a year from now if you start your journey today. We're so grateful that you were here today with us.
Make sure you subscribe.
We've got some great guests coming up. Fantastic guests coming up.
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